Autobiography of a modern day ‘Heyoka’

An out of body experience was the catalyst to focus on spirituality 10 years ago when I was 18. This led to a year of reading about what else was possible in the fabric of reality that I wasn’t taught about. Reading about all these possibilities was amazing and accompanied with random experiences post meditating, like looking at the mirror and seeing my shoulders and neck, but I couldn’t see my face, I could see space floating above my neck.( Had never sampled more than pottery.. at the time) Reading about energy, aliens, Atlantis, manifestation, etc was amazing. Although I reached a point of mental saturation, where it was cool to read these things, but I wanted to experience all of these things.

That’s what started 3 years of daily practices, on the daily for 3-4 weeks to sample the effect of each practice as that’s how to get in the first gear of the subconscious mind. After which it functions that way for the next 3-4 week cycle, if it was effective I’d proceed or sample / add another practice. While I’d meet my friends for daily laughs, I shifted to only having spiritual goals and dissociating from ‘normal life’ as I shifted my life to a self experiment of how ‘high’ I could take my state. The nature of life is to have positive & negative experiences that would shift one’s state constantly. So I created a ‘bubble’ to save myself from these waves of ‘low emotion’ and would find the positive from every situation, thus at the time, my emotions wouldn’t drop with life’s day to day. (This eventually caused hindrances in EQ). Due to this shift I stepped out of my relationship of 2-3 years, where what I heard was that I was a very caring lover 99% of the time and became celibate during these years. 

Initially my mind liked complex systems, that would reflect the normal mind, exploring merkaba practices, functioning according to the framework of the astral plane while grounded here, breathwork, plenty of energy work practices - reiki, pranic healing, crystals, building pyramids & cosmos energetika. Mainly focusing on the third eye & heart center, while neglecting my earthly centers. It wasn’t really about what practice but harnessing spiritual energy on the daily. Sungazing for 5 months was epic!
While the gaze is gently focused at the sunset for up to 25 mins, the peripheral would get all colorful and move like there was an animation in the sky. Then there’d be the feeling of the energy body glowing, like a cooling waterfall /aircoin / refrigerator or Sun Goku for those with visual minds. This state would be there for however long I was still for, up to 2 hours sometimes. Followed by an amazing flood of serotonin.

(they’ve shifted all that I said to inspire more people to practice)

I would meet my friends for drinks as I was in university and more than the epic hilarious nights out with the ‘monkeys’, was feeling that same state when I’d wake up after an evening out. So I’d stay in bed in the morning for minutes to hours to feel that state. The energy would alchemize any toxins to silver/ gold.  

2 years into daily practice, the effect of taking the ‘law of attraction’ literally, where I’d only think thoughts I’d want manifest and sift out all ‘negative thoughts’. Via applying this, I’d eventually lower the number of parallel thought trains to 1-3 and experienced surreal states on the daily for a half hour to an hour, via heart practices aka gratitude. The real game changer was shifting a morning gratitude practice to finding (& feeling!) 5 things to be grateful for any moment I could remember. So around 100 times a day x 5 things to be grateful for. Remember how the subconscious gear system works from earlier? On applying this for 3-4 weeks, the next 3-4 weeks, I’d wake up high as a kite! My serotonin and dopamine doorway was just open and flowing ( felt like 30% molly) perpetually. People could feel this too, some even mentioned getting a contact high from being around me, maybe cos I only had conversations of humour and imagination. (Yes, it’s been a while and isn’t quite the energy grid at the moment..) Anyway, once I’d feel the serotonin for those 3-4 weeks, I’d stop the practice and eventually return to a peaceful normal after the cycle. Then I’d start the practice for 1 cycle, get the benefit for 1 cycle then be back. This looped 4 times. Let’s say this was an airplane that was momentarily flying beyond the atmosphere before returning to the upper atmosphere.

What happened next was rather peculiar. On the way to art school (after my business management degree) (I utilized art as a means to personify my inner reality, since it isn’t regular college conversation.) I was in the rickshaw and my thoughts disappeared and all I could hear was songs and then a realm without thought.


I shifted to what I thought was my goal of reaching a state of mind without thoughts. What went with it was also the discipline and motivation to continue my practices for a goal. This was part of the journey I thought, although this state of mind has continued since, 7ish years on. 

I started Rainbow Tree with a friend at this time, to plant seeds of gratitude, mindfulness and imaginative meditations amongst children, amongst art, writing and various creative forms. At such a state, manifestation was rather easy. I wanted to live in a spiritual community on an island in the heart of nature. Without any research on the earth plane for this, I got a flight ticket and eventually a job managing Gaia Yogashala on Koh Phangan, thanks bro.

This state was just like floating beyond the orbit of the atmosphere or gravity of Earth. The thrusters of practice and regular functionality fell off the spaceship and it was an infinite float. The more I practiced, the further in orbit I got, so I stopped practicing. It was only intimate relations that would make me aware of myself and be a link back to Earth. Over time this brought me back to a lucid ‘festival’ semi-tantric Earth reality for a few years. The state shifts from being in an outward life - relations, work, etc to more of a void, where all of these functions would dissolve from day to day experience, perhaps bypassing or just experiencing the eternal present as scriptures suggest. 

With the disconnection to spirit, my state dropped too that was otherwise very joyful due to all the practices. While I was joyful and connected, this state of mind didn’t hinder my life much as people would buzz on the vibes anyway. With this state of mind came hindrances, I started hearing my thoughts only as I’d speak. I didn’t have a few thoughts to select from as to what to speak. As well as the ability of linking the multiple meanings and interpretations of words before I’d speak it to be proactive and comprehend its impact. This led to unintentional and blind miscommunications. My mind functions in the moment from a mainly active right hemisphere, creativity, association, imagination and finding humor in most things. 

The beauty of this situation is that it’s brought the spaceship back to explore the realms of space rather than being drawn into earthly matters. I’ll be at a vipassana in a couple of days to jump state & process these past few months.

About Heyokas

The heyoka (heyókȟa, also spelled "haokah," "heyokha") is a kind of sacred clown in the culture of the Sioux (Lakota and Dakota people) of the Great Plains of North America. The heyoka is a contrarian, jester, and satirist, who speaks, moves and reacts in an opposite fashion to the people around them. Heyoka, a scared Clown part of of Dakota Tribes traditions, is considered an eccentric shaman like figure that would act backwards in the tribe's society. While most members must abide to strict rules, Heyoka were granted freedom to express themselves however they want whether a subject was considered taboo or not. While our own society has been nasty towards people who are different and backwards, Native American culture has shown that everybody has a special place in society and that being different is not considered an illness but a blessing.

Unlike most societies, a backwards character like the Heyoka was accepted and praised in the tribe community mainly because of the belief that they were chosen by the Thunderbird in their dreams.  Like lightning, their personalities were like a flash of brilliance.  There was acceptance of the strange and the weird and my friend saw the story of the Heyoka as a way to cope.


The purpose of a Heyoka is to expose the dark side of behaviors and bring them into the light. A Heyoka has an ability to sense when humour is needed.

Ever seen art made during adventure sports?

Adrenal Art NFTs